Bittersweetness Behind...Today is Just Plain Sweet

Deep Breaths...Here We Go!

And just like that, we're here.  Staring at the very last week of summer vacation.  And a wonderful summer vacation it has been.  While I can't deny that I will be a little bit excited to see my floor again (and maybe even scrub it!), get reacquainted with my yoga mat (and my husband!), and go through that pile of mail and paperwork that has been steadily growing since the middle of July (not to mention catch up on this here blog!), I am so sad to see the summer of 2014 go.  We really hit our stride this summer.  At 5 and 7, Adam and Ethan are pure fun (wild animals, at times, but pure fun indeed).  We hiked and swam and sailed and visited with many different friends on many different beaches and descended on family and road tripped and read the first three and a half Harry Potter books and picked fruit and gardened and walked barefoot (most of the time) and got our city fixes and just generally enjoyed each other's company.  And though my boys are ready and excited to get back to school, their mama is left selfishly wishing for just one more.  One more week of summer.  One more summer like this, where my boys want nothing more than to be with us.  One more year before kindergarten.  Because one week from tomorrow, we will be full-fledged parents of school aged children.  No more babies, no more toddlers, no more preschoolers...no more flexible schedules or weekday adventures...no more errand days with my little shadows, or company while I clean the house...no more going out to the bus stop in our jammies and then snuggling up with a pile of books.  And wow, it's a lot to say goodbye to.

When Ethan started kindergarten, I was really nervous.  He wasn't, but we were.  He knew no one, we knew no one; we had visited his school once for a Popsicle social, at which he and his brother clung to our sides as we all tried to meet some new friends.  This time around, it's different.  At that same Popsicle social, we caught up with friends we hadn't seen all summer while the boys played with their buddies on the playground.  We knew most of the people there, and so did Adam.  He's been to Blue Point dozens of times, knows most of the people on his bus and three kids in his class.  And even rumors that his teacher is notorious for lacking communication skills, which would have thrown me into a complete tizzy the first time around, don't faze me much.  We aren't nervous this time around.  And there is a warm welcoming push behind the baby as he leaves home - not only does Adam have us, but he also has his big brother to look after and encourage him.  Several times over the last few weeks, I've overheard Adam quietly asking Ethan questions about kindergarten, and Ethan whispering tips and tales.  They've already vowed to sit together on the bus that first day, and talk about looking for each other at lunch and recess.  When we shopped for backpacks and lunch boxes, Ethan was bursting with ideas and suggestions for Adam, all of which Adam dutifully followed.  So all that is warm and fuzzy and comfortable.  

But underneath the warm fuzzy excitement buzzing around our house is undeniable sadness.  When Ethan started kindergarten, it was bittersweet, and I was most definitely sad.  But it was also an exciting beginning, a new chapter in our lives, an opportunity to get more engaged in our community.  And while I know in my head that every ending is a new beginning, I can't help but see this as the end of a really big, fun, meaningful, irreplaceable chapter in our lives.  And for that, I grieve.  And like coming to the end of a great novel and wishing the story continued, I am left longing for just a little bit more.  Just a little bit more time with tiny kids.  Just a little bit more time with them all to myself.  Just a little bit more music class and open gym and stroller walks and playdates and run swaps and preschool hours and lunches with my boys.  Just a little bit more.

But as much as I'd like it not to, September 2nd will come.  And we'll be ready.  Adam is counting down the days in big numbers on our sliding door and packs and repacks his backpack daily.  On Monday, we'll shop for special lunch treats and pack our backpacks (again) and pick out first day clothes.  On Tuesday morning, we'll snap pictures and walk our boys to the bus stop and take some more pictures and kiss goodbye and smile and wave and breathe deep and hold back tears.  I'll go get coffee with a good friend, get on my yoga mat, tackle that pile, maybe even have lunch with my husband!  And when those munchkins get off the bus, I'll be ready.  With dry eyes, I'll be ready to hug and squeeze them, feed them, and hear all about their very first days of kindergarten and second grade.  Because who am I to want anything more when I have all that to look forward to?

Go and soar, my little loves.  You are so ready, and I am behind you every step of the way.

Midsummer Update

Whew!  We are just coming up for air after a whirlwind three weeks of travel and adventure.  It feels like we started moving as soon as school ended and we haven't stopped since.  First the Maercklein Reunion at the lake, then the usual fabulous Fourth festivities, then a week up in Rockport.  The boys are in camp at Broadturn Farm this week, and I am very much enjoying a few hours of peace and quiet every day.  When I registered them for camp back in the spring, I envisioned a whole week of projects - painting, cleaning out closets, etc.  But it turns out that after three weeks on the go, I am instead busy catching up on housework and paperwork, doing what feels like 100 loads of laundry, and running many overdue errands.  But to be honest, it's a nice change of pace and a welcome return to reality before we relaunch this weekend.

This little break has allowed me to upload and process the zillions (slight exaggeration) of photos we've taken over the past few weeks.  So, in a nutshell, here's what we've been up to.

Gardening.  Watering, weeding, general tending, animal controlling (we currently have resident moles, voles, and groundhogs), and even a bit of harvesting!

Making many trips to Mutiny Brook in Waterford.  The cool falls are just what the doctor ordered on these hot summer days.

One of our trips to Mutiny Brook included the whole Maercklein gang.  We spent an unforgettable five days with forty something cousins on Grandma's side of the family, in from all over the country, together for the first time in eleven years.  The reunion deserves a post of its own, and some pictures from photographers other than ourselves - we were too busy having fun to take quality pictures!

Celebrating our nation's birthday, Stockwell style - multiple parades, cookouts, family fun, and of course, costumes!

We dressed as characters from the Lego movie this year - Mrs. Scratchen-Post, Kabob Bob, Emmet, Wyldstyle, Michelangelo, Mister Business, Wonder Woman, Vesuvius, Batman, and Spaceman Benny.  We were robbed of the Best Group award and took home the Looniest Award instead.

Our back-to-back trips to the lake also allowed for lots of much-adored cousin time.  Brian and Andrew were here for three weeks, and the boys picked up right where they'd left off in Arkansas.  Watching these four play and interact is beyond precious.

Picnic at the Maine Wildlife Park

Our last night together - snuggling on Stonywood porch

Fishing, fishing, and more fishing.  These boys cannot get enough.

Playing, watching, and listening to sports.  Along with the rest of the country, we've had World Cup fever these past few weeks, and the boys now fall asleep to Red Sox radio every night.  Back in June, we spent an awesome Sunday at Hadlock Field.  The Sea Dogs won, we caught a foul ball, and the boys got to run the bases after the game!

June weekends also brought friends' birthday parties, and the opportunity to explore future careers.

Make-up artist

Cowboy

A trip to the Duck House, filled with sailing, a science show, hiking, and lots and lots of pool time.  Adam has finally gotten a hang of this whole swimming thing, and it was hard to keep my two fish out of the water long enough to do anything else. 

Climbing Mt. Battie

Kisses at the top

Me and my mountain goats

Lobster lunch

Summiting the Samoset playground

Watching the Windjammer Parade

Beachcombing

Taking the helm

And in between all of our fun adventures away, we've made many trips to the farm.

Meeting the newest calf, Babycakes

As you can see, we've been busy.  These last few weeks have been such a fun blur, and I'm a little sad that the calendar already reads mid-July, with almost half our summer behind us.  Maine summers are far too short.  So that's it for now - I'm off to enjoy the second half. 

Last Days

We've been pretending it's summer for awhile now.  Bedtimes have slowly creeped later, baths have become fewer and farther between.  Sand has crept into our sheets and our feet are perma-filthy.  We've been riding the wave of end-of-the-year celebrations - countdowns, parties, picnics, field days, authors' teas, extra trips for ice cream.  But today it's really, actually here: SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!  Ten and a half weeks of no schedules, lazy mornings, no lunches to pack, beach days, rainy book-reading days, time with friends, extra time with family, road trips, time at the lake, time at the Duck House, and all sorts of crazy adventures.  I am so ready.

Adam and his best buddy Eli on their last day at Oak Hill.  These two go to different primary schools next year, much to their disappointment (and denial).

I wonder who is going to be the class clown in kindergarten?

"Yeah Mom, I conquered preschool and am SO ready for kindergarten."

Mommy and Adam lunch to celebrate the end of preschool

Nothing says summer like getting juice (or sake) squirted in your mouth at dinner.

The fire was terrifying but I'm ok with this part.

Ethan and his best bud Josh on the last day of first grade!

We made signs for Ethan and then promptly missed his bus.  It was almost as good as when Ethan walked off the bus covered in vomit on the last day of kindergarten...

End-of-the-year neighborhood pool party.  Seriously, how lucky are these kids?!  Look at how many of them there are!  And count the boys!

Although the girls are pretty fun to hang out with too.

Hooray for summer vacation!!

On Endings and New Beginnings

I have a little bit of a tendency to over-sappify (I just made up a new word) minor life events.  Okay, maybe a big tendency, if I'm being completely honest.  Beginnings and endings, firsts and lasts...these in particular bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.  Next week is Adam's last week of preschool.  LAST WEEK OF PRESCHOOL.  We will no longer, and never again, have a preschooler in this house.  Gulp.  Of course, we have the whole summer to look forward to - hours and hours and HOURS together, after which I am sure I will be thrilled to send him off on that school bus come September.  But this past year has been such a treasure for Adam and me, and I will so miss having my little buddy around next year.  We've had many fun adventures, he and I, but to be honest, it's the normal everyday stuff that I'll miss most.  I'll miss having his company when I'm running errands - his constant questions and funny observations.  I'll miss having him follow me from room to room as I clean the house, toting his Perler beads along and humming or singing while we work.  I'll miss snuggling up on the couch with a book that only he wants to read, and not having to deal with his older brother's impatience as he practices sounding out words.  I'll miss having lunch together.  I'll miss random "I love you's" and hugs in the middle of the day, little pick-me-ups in otherwise mundane days.  I'll miss dropping him off and picking him up every day - I never thought I'd say that, but I will.  Car rides to and from school are great opportunities for conversation, or telling stories, or singing along to the radio together.  Adam is the easiest-going companion in our house - he is low maintenance, has no problem entertaining himself, never complains, and is always up for whatever, particularly if it involves being with his mama.  Last week I dragged Adam two hours north and two hours back south to pick up some tomato seedlings from a greenhouse that grows the best tomatoes around (yes, they are worth a four-hour round trip).  Ethan ended up joining us because he had been sick the night before, and the difference between how these two approached the trip was striking.  Adam didn't even think twice about coming along - he was excited to listen to music and play games in the car, to visit the pretty farm and have a picnic lunch.  Ethan, on the other hand, whined and protested before, during, and after the trip, and needed a reward of ice cream on the way home to make it all even a little okay.  There are so many wonderful things that I adore about Ethan, but I must admit that his high maintenance and penchant for drama are not my favorites.

But there is time I will miss with Ethan next year too.  This morning was his last late start for the year, and that also brought the ole lump to the throat.  When Adam was at Toddle Inn, Ethan and I had a lot of alone time after school.  But that vanished this year when I stopped working and Adam switched schools.  So we carved out Ethan's monthly late start mornings as our special time.  We drop Adam off at school, and then do whatever Ethan wants for an hour or so before dropping him off.  We've shopped for rainbow loom supplies or football cards, gone to Cabela's and looked at the stuffed animals, and gone out for breakfast.  This morning we sat in a coffee shop and read a few chapters of Harry Potter, a series with which Ethan (but not so much Adam) has been particularly enthralled of late.  I love these monthly Ethan-Mommy dates, and will miss them dearly next year, when late start days will just be regular old school days but with a later bus time. 

The funny thing is that the boys don't seem to care much about having one-on-one time with me.  Adam begins his "is it time to go to the bus yet?" routine immediately after lunch most days, and Ethan told me this morning that he can't wait for late start mornings next year, when he and Adam will have more time to play.  So this makes it a little easier for me to say goodbye to this chapter and get excited about new beginnings.  Because with every ending there is also a new beginning, and we have a lot to look forward to.  I'm excited about the beginning of summer, which is just around the corner - the reprieve from packing lunches, rushed mornings, and scheduled days.  I'm excited about Adam beginning kindergarten - he is beyond ready and we now know how much greatness awaits him at Blue Point.  I'm excited to see the boys get on that schoolbus together in September - tickled that they'll be reunited, getting to spend more time together and to share that common experience.  And I'll admit that I'm even a little excited to have more time to myself each day - to keep the house picked up for more than an hour, to go to the grocery store by myself and just wander, to read a book while I eat lunch. 

I'm going to embrace my emotions over the next couple of weeks as we wind down preschool and first grade.  I'm going to welcome the tears and savor the endings.  And then I'm going to turn and face the new beginnings, ready to welcome them too.

Adam on one of a few beach days we have been lucky enough to have together already this spring.

Mommy and Ethan breakfast date on May late start morning