Hello, 2013

Well, it turns out we just don't have a whole lot of pictures from Christmas 2012.  We were too busy keeping up with the excitement of the little ones, creating magic, and having fun.  While always a wild ride, the whole Christmas weekend felt significantly more relaxed this year.  The festivities began with my family's arrival on the 22nd, and continued straight through New Years, but throughout that time, there was always an extra set (or several) of hands, a dish washer, a sous chef, a story reader, a toy assembler...not to mention the constant stream of good conversation and company.  I have to admit that I relaxed and actually, wait for it... LET GO a bit this year.  Work and timing and life made it such that I just couldn't get everything perfectly ready for everyone's arrival, so I just didn't.  I left some things to the last minute, asked for help, said "no" to things I didn't have time for, and tried to step back from time to time and take it all in.  What resulted was a communal celebration - less of an orchestrated, perfectly planned affair, and more of a warm, relaxed, cozy family gathering.  And boy did I enjoy that.  And you know what?  It was just as magical...more magical, in fact.

I loved having my family here for three lazy days before the big event.  For one, it allowed me to include my mom in the annual baking of the sand tarts (sugar cookies) - a very special tradition that we shared when I was growing up.  Once I had my own family, I took over the baking of the sand tarts (although I will never be able to make them as well as my mom does!), but really missed my mom's company in the kitchen - the conversations we'd have as she rolled out the dough, her admonishments for what I thought were secret tastes of it.  For the first time since I took over sand tart duty, my parents were able to arrive in time for my mom and I to do it together with my kids, and it was a treat.

At one point, I looked over at my very serious boys, each hard at work decorating a tray of cookies, with such earnest and determined looks on their faces, and such quiet!, and I had the urge to grab my camera.  They were just so very perfect at that moment, and I wanted to capture it on film.  But I didn't.  As a (somewhat) seasoned parent, I now know that by the time the camera is begotten, the moment has passed.  So instead, I just watched them.  I focused on their tiny faces that will not be tiny for much longer, I took in all that I could about that moment, and tried to commit it to my forever memory.  Who knows if I'll be able to recall that image in a year's time, but I can see it clear as day right now.

Which brings me to my resolutions for 2013...my goal for 2012 was to be present.  To put down the handhelds and focus on what's right here in front of me.  While I think I made great strides over the past year in this area, I now recognize that this will be a constant struggle for me, but one that I resolve to keep at in the coming year.  But this holiday season also made me realize that in order to obtain my goal, in order to be truly present in my body and my life, I need to spend a lot more time letting go.  Because there really ain't no room for soaking up a gorgeous moment when my brain is planning meals and making grocery lists and managing calendars.  When my brain is on Type A auto-pilot, the rest of me is kind of numb to the world around me.  So in 2013, my resolution is to let go.  Let go of planning perfect parties.  Let go of maximizing every minute with efficient activity.  Let go of capturing every moment on film.  Because I was there for every moment of the past two weeks.  Breathing and feeling and seeing and remembering.  And that beats a bunch of random pictures any day.

All that being said, there are some moments that are worth replaying...glad we got this one on tape.

And because this post is really all about me, some little tidbits about the rest of my family circa Christmas 2013:

• All Adam wanted for Christmas was a lion costume and a banana.  Santa came through with the banana (just like last year) but must have gotten his cats confused as Adam wound up with a (very much loved) tiger costume instead.
• Ethan's list was significantly longer, with lots of very specific items (e.g., Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom lego set - what?).  He got a few things from his list and was probably most excited about his new crane (although he asked for an excavator...Santa clearly has wax in his ears).  
• Both boys loved loved loved their stockings, especially the little jars of candy and singing toothbrushes from Uncle Pauly Santa.  I love how they are still so very easy to please, and that despite the length of Ethan's list, there were no requests for video game consoles or iphones...yet.
• My husband is the best gift giver around...massages and weekends away and weekly flowers for a summer?  Oh my!
• It IS possible to run out of wine on Christmas, especially when the Magyar/Stockwells are involved.  And no, Walmart is not open on Christmas.  Thank god for inlaws with deep wine cellars garages.  
• We are so, SO blessed to sit around a table with both sets of parents, brothers and sisters (we missed you Gwen and family!), and laugh and tell stories and play Uncle Tommy's game and genuinely enjoy each other's company.  That is by far the best gift of all!