A Moment

We have lots of fun to report from last week's February vacation (Ethan's, not the rest of ours')...probably a couple posts worth of family and trips and adventures.  Those will come, I promise, but tonight I just want to capture today.  Because this is what we woke up to this morning: 

Really, now, does it get much more spectacular than that?  (And kudos to Ben for capturing this beauty, on his iPhone no less!)  So lucky am I that it happened to be a Monday, and on Monday mornings I volunteer in Ethan's classroom (but not until 11ish) and therefore have childcare for Adam, and voila!  I had a rare and blissful opportunity to strap on my snowshoes and take a (top ten, no joke) walk in the woods.  Many factors converged to make this a most memorable walk (until the last part, when I somehow got myself a little lost and ended up on a road two miles from where I'd parked my car...that part was, well, memorable nonetheless).  Something about the brilliant sunshine, the intense blue sky, the majestic trees bowing under the weight of the heavy, pristine snow, and the quiet that only a Monday morning can bring...it was a moment.  So while I walked, I tried not to make lists, not to plan ahead, not to mull over old conversations, not to think about the future, but to just be.  To use every one of my senses to take that hour in in all its glory, understanding its unique and uncommon beauty.  It was joyful.  And while I *tried* not to write in my head while I walked, I couldn't help but think of a few other things I am savoring right now - a few other "moments" I want to imprint in my memory to take with me always.  Like:

• The quiet shuffle of Adam's feet as he makes his way into our room each morning, one hand around horsey and the other in his mouth.  The sweet way he asks "Can I snuggle?" and then the dreamy exhale as he settles into my arms.  His little uneven breaths as he drifts back into dreamland and his eyelashes...oh his eyelashes!  Ski jumps that appear unending when seen up close, as they are with our faces almost touching.
• Ethan's face when he's reading a new book.  Full of concentration and pride and the glow that can only come from learning and mastering a new skill.  
• The face Adam makes when he knows he's being clever - eyebrows raised, tiny smirky grin, and chin tipped downward, as if feigning shyness.
• The downy, dark hair on the back of Ethan's neck and upper back.  One day that hair will get thicker, and he'll get smellier, but for now it's still the same hair that covered his back the day he was born.  I remember noticing his hairy back for the very first time and thinking it was just adorable and knowing that only a mother's love could make back hair really and truly endearing.
• The quiet conversations between brothers as they're falling asleep, or riding in the car, or snuggling on the couch.  I particularly love the way Adam asks Ethan questions with such pure admiration and trust, believing Ethan to be the wisest person he knows.  And the way Ethan answers those questions, or shows Adam how to do something, or makes sure that he doesn't miss a thing (as evidenced by the near constant "Adam, we're about to take off!  Adam, we're going to go really fast now and then we're going to take off!  Adam, we're about to take off now!  Adam, we're taking off now!  Adam, look out your window!  Adam, we're in the air!  [Repeat repeat repeat]" on yesterday's flight home from New York).
• Making applesauce with my boys, which is really me making applesauce with them saddled up to our counter and tasting a bite of every apple that goes into that pot.  Somehow, it still feels like a community effort.  
• The "I love you"s and the "see you in the mornin'!"s and the hugs and the hand-holding and the fighting over sitting in my lap and the requests for head rubs and to be picked up and the way that they look at me as if I were the most beautiful woman in the world.
• And this:

That, I will never, ever get sick of looking at.  And I know it's a moment.  Just a moment in this life of mine, and as such, one that I must fully experience with every ounce of my being.  Because moments are, by definition, rare and fleeting, and will one day become (if we should be so lucky), only memories.

Nemo!

In case you hadn't heard, we had a little bit of snow in these parts this past weekend.  I'm not sure of the official total in our backyard, but it was upwards of 30 inches (with Gorham, just a few miles away, seeing the highest snow totals in the state).  

View out our garage door

Snow dance!

Nemo brought blustery winds, 36 hours of persistent snowfall, and Ethan's first snow day (Adam's school was closed too, which NEVER happens).  We celebrated with pancakes for breakfast, cookie baking, closet organizing, and snuggling up with a movie.  There was, of course, quite a bit of fun in the fluffy white stuff betwixt and between all those indoor activities.  While not the best snowman-making consistency, the sheer volume of snow, particularly in some of the drifts, transformed our backyard into an instant playground.  While the boys built snow tunnels, I went for a snowshoe (read: hardest workout ever in three feet of snow) on the trails behind our house.  

Sunday brought clear sunny skies and warmer temperatures, inviting us to get out and play all day long.



After a morning of snowshoeing and fort-building, we visited a nearby sledding hill and had the whole place to ourselves.

And it's a good thing we got all that outdoor exercise, because between the fresh-baked cookies and the hot cocoa on tap all weekend, our boys were all kinds of sugared up.

Cocoa and cookies in our jammies, the uniform for the weekend.  It sure is nice having playmates right across the street when you're snowed in!

Though cabin fever began to set in by Sunday afternoon, being really truly snowed in for a few days, safe in our warm house with nowhere we needed to be, was some seriously fun times.

Dreaming...On Such a Winter's Day

When the boys were babies and they'd mumble in their sleep, or wake up in terror after a nightmare, I'd wonder what they could possibly be dreaming about.  With such a small, insular world, what were their dreams made of?  As they got older and could increasingly verbalize the content of their nightmares, I began to understand their fears and what drove those middle of the night wake-ups.  Ethan's triggers are so obvious, and tend to be of the standard monster/bad guy/imagination run wild/eyes playing tricks on me variety.  We watched Happy Feet on Friday during the blizzard and I just knew that seal with the big scary yellow teeth would be a problem.  Sure enough, he awoke terrified in the middle of the night, convinced that the seal was climbing the ladder to his bunk.  Adam's nightmares tend to be closer to reality and are often conflict-oriented.  He wakes yelling "No, Ethan!" or "No, Mommy!" or "No (fill in the blank friend from school)!", and when I ask him about what was happening in his dream, it usually involves someone chasing or hurting or bothering him.  It's so interesting how our psyche processes our world while we sleep, and how different the "enemy" is for each of our boys.

I hate when my kids have nightmares, but I love how easily they can be soothed back to sleep with a mom or dad's touch and some reassuring words.  When the boys were really little, I made up (or perhaps heard somewhere and stole), this ritual that chases even the scariest nightmares away.  I rub their foreheads lightly and whisper, "Bad dreams, bad dreams, go away.  Good dreams, good dreams, here to stay."  And that's it.  That's enough to take away all the badness in these boys' worlds, and I watch their small bodies soften and their eyes droop and they're back in happy dreamland.  If it could only stay that easy forever.

So while I generally know what's going on in their nightmares, I still don't know much about these boys' dreams.  Nightmares are rare - what makes up the rest of their sleepy nights?  Both Ethan and Adam are active sleepers - they toss and turn and shift and talk and sometimes even get out of bed and wander off.  Dreams have come up in conversation recently, and we've gotten a bit of a window into what goes on in those little imaginations while they snooze.  Ethan started telling us a story about his friend Dylan Fox, and how steam was coming out of his ears, and isn't that cool, and wait....maybe that was a dream?  We all had a good laugh, and he loved hearing that even Mommy and Daddy have trouble distinguishing a dream from reality sometimes.  Adam, apparently, dreams of chocolate chips, which is particularly puzzling considering that the kid claims he doesn't like chocolate.  Maybe his psyche is trying to sort that craziness out?  After all, who doesn't like chocolate?!  Anyway, he came downstairs one morning last week saying, "Mommy, I had the BEST dream.  I was walking outside in our yard, and it was sunny, and there were chocolate chips...EVERYWHERE!".  Like a lot of us New Englanders at this time of year, he's also dreaming of sunnier days.  He had a dream just the other night that he was on T'Kozy beach, "diggin'".  Right there with you, little man - I'm dreamin' of diggin' on the beach too, with some chocolate chips to boot.  And hey, if Dylan Fox walks on by with some steam coming out of his ears, well that's just icing on the cake.

What my dreams are made of

Reading Rainbows

Ladies and gentleman, I dare say we have a reader!  Ethan has been "reading" to us for awhile now, but it has been more of the "I've memorized this book and will now recite it back to you" variety, or the "Let me look at the picture to remember the words" variety, or the very painful "Let me sound out every single word very very slowly and with lots of mistakes" variety.  Oh, and that last variety comes with lots and lots of frustration on the part of my little perfectionist, making the whole experience a barrel of fun!  But last night we had a bit of a breakthrough, as Ethan read us a whole book, pretty much all by himself.  There were moments where he needed some help sounding out words, but there were also moments where he'd read a whole page with no help and with instant recognition of many of the words within.  But the biggest breakthrough of all was in our guy's confidence.  He begged to read the whole book himself, even though bedtime was getting later and later and a certain younger brother was repeatedly asking for Mom or Dad to take over.  And when he finished that last page - that smile, that glow, that pride - I wished I could have bottled it up and saved it for the next time he's overcome with frustration.  It was like suddenly There Was an Old Lady Who Swallowed Fly Guy had opened up this whole new world of enchantment and opportunity.  As I kissed him good night, Ethan said "I did it, Mommy!  I read that whole book!  Those Fly Guy books are perfect for me - can we read another one tomorrow?  And go get all the ones they have at the library so I can read more?".  And as I walked out of the room: "Mommy, my legs can't stop moving I'm so excited about reading."  This proud mama thinks it doesn't get much better than that.  Seeing your child burst with pride and excitement over his newfound skills is one of the sweetest and most fulfilling parts of parenthood.

And because I didn't get Ethan's reading debut on tape, I am posting a video of another of his newly mastered skills - skating.  Ethan and Adam spent this past weekend at Grandma and Grandpa's while Mom and Dad got an amazing and needed getaway (thanks again Tom and Sue!), and had much opportunity to practice their skating.  Ethan was so proud of his new abilities that he asked Mom and Dad to meet him at the rink on Sunday to show them off.

To the Rescue

We are in superhero heaven (or hell, depending on the day and my mood) around here.  We read, draw, discuss, dress, and act all things superhero on a daily basis.  In fact, I'm quite sure that one of our little superheroes really, truly believes he is [insert superhero du jour] and that his mission in life is to kick those bad guys to the curb with legitimate high kicks and "hi-yahs!".  Pity to whomever (usually Mom) gets in the way of said kicks, his path as he sprints around the house, or his fun when his uniform is inevitably taken away until he can calm his superhero urges waaaaaay down.  Despite repeated attempts on Mom and Dad's part to convince the mini avengers that superheroes are generally calm, gentle, and quiet creatures, chasing imaginary bad guys with as much volume and speed as can be mustered appears to be much more fun.  Why can't Marvel come up with a new silent superhero who stealthily and quickly cleans up all his toys and dirty clothes?  Oh, and who's superpower is listening?  Now that would be my kind of superhero - instead, we have this cast of characters:

Superman

Coy Superman

Serious and snuggly Batman

CAPTAIN OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!

Captain of the Universe's alter ego, Adam Stockwell, running the bad guys out of town (or from gymnastics class)

Sweet Six

Ah, six...I believe this is my most favorite age yet.  We are most certainly in that sweet sweet spot between babyhood and tweendom, where Ethan has become his own person, with abilities and independence and self-control, but where Mom and Dad are still the centers of his little universe.  And oh how I cherish this six-year old son of mine.  Throughout his six years in our lives, Ethan has of course grown and developed, but so much of his character has remained unchanged.  He is one-of-a-kind, as all kids are, and here is what I think is so special about my guy:

• Ethan exhibits (and always has) patience beyond his years.  No other almost six-year old I know would sit through his mom's hair appointment (2+ hours) one day and then his mom's nail appointment (1+ hour) the very next day, without nary a complaint.  He is (usually) happy to tag along on whatever errands I need to do, especially if they are described as special outings with just Mommy.  
• ...which brings me to the next thing I love about Ethan - his love of planning.  With two boys, I never expected I'd have a partner in decorating and party planning and shopping...but I do!  Ethan loves chatting with me about whatever event is coming up, planning the food and decorations, shopping for supplies, and even picking out his outfit.  On the Wednesday before his friend party, he asked me to wash his Spiderman shirt because he couldn't imagine wearing anything else to his superhero party.  While getting him to set the table on a daily basis is sometimes a challenge, setting the dining room table with linens and silver and candles is probably one of his most favorite activities.
• Ethan has always been our little helper.  From the time he could crawl, he wanted to be involved in whatever the adults were doing, even if it was hard work.  And while I know that the tides will turn and we'll have to beg him to clean his room someday, I am happy to report that he is still Mr. Helpful.  He shovels snow, does the dishes, folds and puts away his laundry, cooks, cleans, helps Daddy in the garden, and loves a good organizational project.  And while his help is not always on my schedule or exactly to my standards, I will say it is actually, truly helpful at this point.
• Perhaps what surprises Ben and me most about Ethan is his creativity and artistic nature.  Somehow these two Type A, analytical geeks created a left-brained lover of all things creative.  Sure, Ethan's got his Type A traits too (more on that later), but he is so much more creative than either of his parents.  Whenever we have a spare moment, he'll drag out his art supplies and a blank piece of paper and just create.  He loves making books (which will be easier with the new stapler he got for his birthday) about dinosaurs and Angry Birds and pirates and his family.  One of my favorite parts of the week is when Ethan comes home from school on Fridays and shares his folder of work with me.  We sit down and look at it all, but he is always proudest of his artwork.  And as a completely biased critic, I am usually quite impressed!
• But what I love most about Ethan is his kind and gentle soul.  He is a truly compassionate child, with not an enemy on this earth (he gets that from his dad, trust me).  I am fortunate to be able to volunteer in his class this year, and have gotten to know some of the dynamics of the classroom.  Even in kindergarten, there are cliques and popular kids, but Ethan does not involve himself with any of that.  When he made his list for birthday invitations, I was thrilled with the kids he had chosen to invite - they weren't just the louder, extroverted, magnetic boys, but also the eccentric tomboy and the quiet boy who often seems lonely in class.  I hope that as Ethan continues to navigate his school years, he keeps this sense of kindness and empathy and friendship and stays true to his own choices.

So what's not to love about Ethan?  Well, of course, I love every piece of him, but he is most definitely my drama king.  I somehow thought we would avoid drama by having two of the male gender, but no, Ethan loves him some drama.  Our boy is beyond sensitive (a good thing, right?) and feels his emotions in a big way.  So that all leads to some ups and downs that make me fear for the time when hormones kick in and add to his moodiness.  Ethan is also a worrier.  He bolts out of bed every morning worried.  Worried that he will miss the bus, worried about what to wear, worried about how much to eat for breakfast.  I too am a worrier, and am trying my hardest to give him the confidence and flexibility and security to overcome this curse.

But mostly, Ethan is just pure joy.  At six, he is into "big conversations".  It all started with a car ride with Daddy, and a discussion about our family tree.  Since then, every time we get in the car, Ethan asks what we can talk about, whether it be evolution or homonyms or politics or what happens when we die.  But at six, Ethan is also still into sitting on my lap for a story, and being read to when he can really start reading to himself.  He is well-rounded, and has moved beyond the obsessions of the toddler years to enjoying a broad variety of interests.  Apart from his art and book-making, Ethan loves playing outside (especially in the snow), riding his bike, doing puzzles, building with Legos or Lincoln Logs, racing cars around the house, being chased by his brother, playing games, and reading chapter books.  He loves being around others but also loves a healthy dose of alone time.  He adores his brother beyond belief and enjoys playing the good guy by encouraging Adam to do his dirty work.  He considers himself all grown up, now choosing a solo shower over bathtime and loving the special nights he gets to stay up with the adults after his little brother has gone to bed.  He loves kindergarten but also relishes his time at home with his family.  And we relish him.  Every ounce of our lovable, smart, emotional, thoughtful, kind Ethan.  I cannot believe you are already six, my sweet boy, and yet you seem wise beyond your years.  Thank you for making me a Mommy six years ago today, and for gracing our family with your unique and brilliant light ever since.




And more on Ethan at 6 (with last year's answers in parentheses):

Ethan, Age 6
Weight: 49 lbs (45 lbs)
Height: 47 inches (45 inches)
1. What is your favorite color?  Blue (Black)
2. What is your favorite toy?  The garbage truck and the crane (Bear)
3. What is your favorite fruit?  Raspberries (Watermelon) 
4. What is your favorite TV show? Curious George (Fireman Sam)
5. What is your favorite thing to eat for lunch?  Blueberry or cranberry bagel (Grilled cheese)
6. What is your favorite outfit?  T-Rex shirt with navy sweatpants [Editor's note - any "non-dressy pants", aka pants with elastic waistbands] (My Superman costume)
7. What is your favorite game?  Ten-zei (I Spy Eagle Eye) 
8. What is your favorite snack?  Squeezy yogurt and popcorn (Crackers and cheese)
9. What is your favorite animal?  Elephant (Giraffe)
10. What is your favorite song?  I don't have a favorite song.  (Lomax.  But if there was a Spiderman song, I would like that one.  Or a Batman song or a Superman song.)
11. What is your favorite book?  The Circus Ship (The Magic Treehouse books)
12. Who is your best friend?  Dylan Tolli (Emmett)
13. What is your favorite cereal?  Shredded Spoonfuls (Muesli)
14. What is your favorite thing to do outside?  Ride bikes (Ride bikes)
15. What is your favorite drink?  Milk and water (Milk)
16. What is your favorite holiday?  Christmas, no wait, my birthday (Christmas and Halloween and Valentine's Day)
17. What do you like to take to bed with you at night?  Birdie and Clipper (Bunny and Ducky)
18. What is your favorite thing to eat for breakfast?  Granola (Muesli)
19. What would you like to have for a special birthday dinner?  Tacos (Macaroni and cheese)
20. What do you want to be when you grow up?  A construction worker (A construction worker)

Birthday parfaits for breakfast...

and Famous Dave's for dinner.

A stapler!  It's the little things...

A new Geronimo Stilton book!

Thanks Molly and Jack!!

Happy Birth-week to Ethan!

I am coming to the realization that we really like birthdays in this house.  My own birthday - I couldn't care less and am perfectly happy with a quiet little celebration and calling it good and done.  But for my kids, it's quite the opposite - I very much enjoy making a big hoopla, and extending that hoopla for a week or two (or more, depending on schedules and party planning).  Birthdays are important, and why wouldn't I want to go big celebrating two of the biggest days of my life?!  So we are in the midst of Ethan's birthday week, a few friend celebrations behind us and a few family celebrations still ahead.  Ethan's actual birthday is Friday, and he's chosen to eat at Famous Dave's for dinner.  So that we will do, and Saturday we will celebrate with my family, and somewhere in there I will attempt to capture Ethan at six in a blog post...  But for now, the kid party.  We had four new kindergarten friends (plus Grandma and Grandpa) over for face painting, cape decorating, villain smashing, and lunch eating on Saturday, and our little supermen (who actually chose to be Batman and Robin - how fitting) thought it was out of this world (pun intended).

Decorating capes

The birthday boy!

And his birthday twin.  These two were born only minutes (but many miles) apart from each other back in 2007!

Two zombies, two bat-people, one Robin, and one non-face paint lover opening gifts.

A cake maker I am not, but I have fun trying.

Relaxing with Grandpa after a SUPER good time.