Four Going on Forty

Tonight I said good night to my three-year old for the last time. Tomorrow he will wake up, and at just before 9 AM, he will turn four. It's the first time his birthday falls on a school day, and he is bursting with excitement to share cupcakes with his friends and to be sung to. We baked cupcakes tonight, covering them with purple frosting - his favorite color, same as was his great-grandpa (and namesake) Howie's.

These milestones that mark the passage of time are always astonishing in their ability to sneak up on me. But although I can't believe it was four years ago that we were sitting in our Brookline apartment, spreadsheeting contractions and sure that his birthday would be January 17th, I've already gotten very used to Ethan being four. Ethan is my little buddy - I have always felt that way, but I do even more so now that he is getting older. Every now and again, I keep Ethan home and send Adam to school so we can have some special time together. And no matter what we choose to do, I really enjoy Ethan's company - not just spending time with my oldest son, but learning more about this little human who is already such an adult. We now have lengthy and complex discussions, and while many of them are still dominated by that "why" word, they aren't all about him and his world. He knows my favorite color, and what food I like to eat. He understands that I need to run, or do "hot yoga" to keep me happy. He is curious about my job, and what I do when I go to Boston. He is fascinated by Daddy's hobbies, and has become an avid gardener and worm-lover. He wants to know what Grandma and Grandpa and Noni and Papi are doing at all times. And whenever he sees a reference to New York City or Florida, he mentions Uncle Pauly or Auntie Gwen, like they are the sole residents of these locales. He has become quite interested in calendars and maps, and how to read them and understand their purpose. All this is to say that his world is becoming so much bigger, and it is amazing to watch his little brain try to piece it all together.

And alongside Ethan's growing mind is his growing heart. Ethan has always been a compassionate and empathetic and intensely emotional kid, and while he is internalizing more of his feelings as he becomes aware of social norms, he is still a very emotional boy. He is a worrywart, has trouble falling asleep without lots of reassurance, and is quick to crumble when under stress. He now has words for his feelings, and sometimes proclaims "I am just grumpy today". He is probably the only nearly-four year old who still has so much trouble saying goodbye to Mommy and Daddy when we drop him off at school. Ethan is introspective, an observer, shy among adults he doesn't know, and he blushes like crazy when embarrassed, just like his Mom. He is still very much a mama's boy, and (thankfully) continues to need snuggles and laptime (which has become more challenging with his 45 lbs of long limbs!). Ethan is fiercely protective of his younger brother, and takes great pride in his big brother status. He greets Adam with a very high-pitched "Good morning sweetie!" (do I sound like that?) upon his awakening and peppers him with kisses, hugs, and toy retrieval throughout the day. Just tonight, I witnessed Adam thwack Ethan on the head with a truck, so I promptly whisked Adam away for a time out. Ethan chased after us screaming "Mommy, that's NOT OKAY! Adam needs his horsey! Adam needs a toy! Don't leave Adam alone!". The poor kid was so distraught about how Mommy was mistreating Adam that he hadn't even considered the bonk to his head.

At four, Ethan loves all things construction. He spends hours building elaborate construction scenes, and could fill and dump a truck over and over and over again. He loves playing outside in any weather, and has gotten to be quite the little artist. And with his worker-bee status rising to new levels, Ethan can actually be relied upon to pull some weight around here. He is a better snow shoveler than I am, cleans house better than I do, and keeps his room much tidier than ours. He greets each task with some serious intensity, like he was put on this earth to (fill in the blank with activity here). That being said, Ethan has also developed a tad bit of sass and a handful of talk-back that I am not so fond of. He fights longer and harder for what he wants, and is not always good about taking "no" for an answer. But such is life, as we watch these little people become bigger - a bit more bad, a lot (hopefully) more good, and constant amazement at the trajectory of human development.

I can't wait to see Ethan's gigantic grin when he comes to wake us up tomorrow morning. Since just after the holiday hoopla died down, he has been planning for and anticipating his special day. I hope it is all he has dreamed about, and I am so happy to share it with him.

Happy 4th Birthday to my sweet, sweet boy. I will love you to the end of the earth and back and forever and ever.