On Endings and New Beginnings

I have a little bit of a tendency to over-sappify (I just made up a new word) minor life events.  Okay, maybe a big tendency, if I'm being completely honest.  Beginnings and endings, firsts and lasts...these in particular bring a lump to my throat and a tear to my eye.  Next week is Adam's last week of preschool.  LAST WEEK OF PRESCHOOL.  We will no longer, and never again, have a preschooler in this house.  Gulp.  Of course, we have the whole summer to look forward to - hours and hours and HOURS together, after which I am sure I will be thrilled to send him off on that school bus come September.  But this past year has been such a treasure for Adam and me, and I will so miss having my little buddy around next year.  We've had many fun adventures, he and I, but to be honest, it's the normal everyday stuff that I'll miss most.  I'll miss having his company when I'm running errands - his constant questions and funny observations.  I'll miss having him follow me from room to room as I clean the house, toting his Perler beads along and humming or singing while we work.  I'll miss snuggling up on the couch with a book that only he wants to read, and not having to deal with his older brother's impatience as he practices sounding out words.  I'll miss having lunch together.  I'll miss random "I love you's" and hugs in the middle of the day, little pick-me-ups in otherwise mundane days.  I'll miss dropping him off and picking him up every day - I never thought I'd say that, but I will.  Car rides to and from school are great opportunities for conversation, or telling stories, or singing along to the radio together.  Adam is the easiest-going companion in our house - he is low maintenance, has no problem entertaining himself, never complains, and is always up for whatever, particularly if it involves being with his mama.  Last week I dragged Adam two hours north and two hours back south to pick up some tomato seedlings from a greenhouse that grows the best tomatoes around (yes, they are worth a four-hour round trip).  Ethan ended up joining us because he had been sick the night before, and the difference between how these two approached the trip was striking.  Adam didn't even think twice about coming along - he was excited to listen to music and play games in the car, to visit the pretty farm and have a picnic lunch.  Ethan, on the other hand, whined and protested before, during, and after the trip, and needed a reward of ice cream on the way home to make it all even a little okay.  There are so many wonderful things that I adore about Ethan, but I must admit that his high maintenance and penchant for drama are not my favorites.

But there is time I will miss with Ethan next year too.  This morning was his last late start for the year, and that also brought the ole lump to the throat.  When Adam was at Toddle Inn, Ethan and I had a lot of alone time after school.  But that vanished this year when I stopped working and Adam switched schools.  So we carved out Ethan's monthly late start mornings as our special time.  We drop Adam off at school, and then do whatever Ethan wants for an hour or so before dropping him off.  We've shopped for rainbow loom supplies or football cards, gone to Cabela's and looked at the stuffed animals, and gone out for breakfast.  This morning we sat in a coffee shop and read a few chapters of Harry Potter, a series with which Ethan (but not so much Adam) has been particularly enthralled of late.  I love these monthly Ethan-Mommy dates, and will miss them dearly next year, when late start days will just be regular old school days but with a later bus time. 

The funny thing is that the boys don't seem to care much about having one-on-one time with me.  Adam begins his "is it time to go to the bus yet?" routine immediately after lunch most days, and Ethan told me this morning that he can't wait for late start mornings next year, when he and Adam will have more time to play.  So this makes it a little easier for me to say goodbye to this chapter and get excited about new beginnings.  Because with every ending there is also a new beginning, and we have a lot to look forward to.  I'm excited about the beginning of summer, which is just around the corner - the reprieve from packing lunches, rushed mornings, and scheduled days.  I'm excited about Adam beginning kindergarten - he is beyond ready and we now know how much greatness awaits him at Blue Point.  I'm excited to see the boys get on that schoolbus together in September - tickled that they'll be reunited, getting to spend more time together and to share that common experience.  And I'll admit that I'm even a little excited to have more time to myself each day - to keep the house picked up for more than an hour, to go to the grocery store by myself and just wander, to read a book while I eat lunch. 

I'm going to embrace my emotions over the next couple of weeks as we wind down preschool and first grade.  I'm going to welcome the tears and savor the endings.  And then I'm going to turn and face the new beginnings, ready to welcome them too.

Adam on one of a few beach days we have been lucky enough to have together already this spring.

Mommy and Ethan breakfast date on May late start morning