The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From Which Tree?

I have never been a particularly competitive person.  Driven, maybe...self-challenging, yes.  But when it comes to competing with others, I generally choose not to compete at all.  I can say, with a completely straight face, that when I play a game, it really doesn't matter whether I win or lose.  I remember when Ben and I first started dating, he would trounce me over and over at cards, and would be so perplexed as to why I would want to play again and again when there was no chance of winning.  But I honestly just enjoyed playing, trying to learn the game better and beat my own past performances.  Some of this has changed since I've gotten more into running and have realized that I actually can win sometimes, and that's it's kinda fun.  But for the most part, I'm still happy losing, and prefer to spectate then to engage in bloody battles.

My husband, on the other hand, couldn't be more different from me in this regard.  He lives for bloody battles, particularly those in which he is named victor.  To him, there is absolutely no point in playing something at which you have no chance of winning - why bother?  He derives a tremendous amount of utility from his winning percentage, so doing things he's no good at is no fun at all for him.  Unlike me, who forgets who won and lost as soon as the game is cleaned up, Ben ruminates for hours (days!) about the outcomes of games/matches/tournaments.  He glows (and gloats) about wins, and hems and haws over losses, for what seems like a ridiculous amount of time.  To be fair, I'm sure he thinks that my forgetting the final score minutes after the finish is pretty ridiculous too.  I like to think that we complement each other well, that two non-competitors or two uber-competitors might cause a few marital issues that we're lucky enough not to have to worry about.

But, as in any case where two parents have contrary characteristics, it is always interesting to see how the DNA spinning experiment turns out.  Will the boys be non-competitors, uber-competitors, or somewhere in between?  So far, I would say that both Ethan and Adam are competitive.  It could be their gender, or the fact that they are so close in age, but these two compete for everything - the last word, the blue bowl, being first out of the bath, our attention...I could go on.  But Ethan...wow.  He is  trending heartily towards the uber-competitive side of the spectrum.  This boy does NOT like to lose.  Not one bit.  He will cheat, "forget" the rules, throw a hissy fit...it's not pretty.  His favorite games are those he can win and he won't quit until he's ahead.  When watching a game or sport (or Mommy's races), his first question is "Who won?" and he is clearly disgusted with anything short of a "golden" from Mommy.  His competitive spirit rears its head outside games too - Ethan thinks he is the best at everything and wouldn't have it any other way.  If we compliment Adam on anything, Ethan insists he's better (well, yes, but you're five and he's three).  When Oliver came to visit, Ethan claimed that he could ride a bike better than Oliver (well, no, you still need training wheels, buddy, and again, he's three).  Getting anywhere and everywhere is a race in Ethan's mind, and god forbid he isn't first.  As the non-competitive parent, I am trying to instill a little zen, "it's not about winning, it's about having fun" attitude, but haven't been all that successful to date.  Even uber-competitive Dad is a little out of his league here. 

In reality, I know that this determination and drive will serve Ethan well in life.  And I'm happy that Ben will have someone to play with, someone who will put up a fight and give him a run for his money.  I'm sure that school will have a dampening effect on Ethan's "I can do anything attitude" so I guess I'm happy he's starting ahead.  But I do hope we can weave a little more fun and a little less drama into our family UNO games....

Funnily enough, I was thinking about this topic on my run today, and when I returned, the three boys were playing a game.  As I walked in the door I heard:

Ethan: "I won!"

Daddy: "Well, we all won; we were trying to do it together and we did!"

Ethan: "But Daddy, who really won?  I won, right?"   

Sigh.

Competitive coloring - the next Olympic sport