On Boys

Things got a little crazy at Ethan's soccer practice last week.  It was Thursday evening, and you could just tell that this pack of boys had about had it with following directions all week long.  Enough school and rules and sitting still - it was time to be silly, and unruly, and well, like boys!  I've noticed that little men just can't keep their hands off of one another, and this phenomenon was at an extreme - there was constant tackling, poking, "hugging", kicking, bumping into each other...  and it was all exactly what they WEREN'T supposed to be doing.  After about fifty minutes of the poor coaches scratching their heads and looking at their watches, the head coach said "Okay boys, let's just run!".  And this team of ten proceeded to line up and run back and forth across the field, over and over, at full sprint, until they collapsed with exhaustion and it was time to go home.  It was the one time all practice long that directions did not have to be repeated...and repeated and repeated and repeated.  Meanwhile, one field over, there was a team of pre-K and K girls practicing.  Ten little girls in pink shorts and pigtails (I realize that I am using gross stereotypes here, but this team was in fact perfectly coordinated in short color and hairstyle) followed their coach around the field in a perfect line, doing EXACTLY what they were supposed to be doing.  Sure, there was an occasional deviant who did a cartwheel when she was supposed to be dribbling, but for the most part, it was all just so... orderly.  The contrast of order on one field and chaos on the other was striking.  Gender differences are so very real.  I recognize that a good portion of these differences are our (parents', teachers', society's, etc.) creation.  The differences in the ways we treat boys and girls were evidenced many times that evening - a girl who tripped and fell was surrounded by her teammates and coach while a boy who got hit squarely in the face by a kicked ball was told to "shake it off".  But I also believe gender differences extend far beyond varying societal responses, have roots in biology, and are thus, at least partially, unchangeable.  

Someone once told me that boys are like dogs - their needs are simple, and as long as you keep their bellies full and run them every day, they'll love you forever.  Now well into raising two of these boy/dog creatures, I couldn't agree more - these boys are simple and loyal as heck, but they sure do need to get their wiggles out every single day, and they have quadrupled our grocery bill.  After the first few days of kindergarten, when the excitement to see Mommy and hold her hand all the way home wore off, Ethan now gets off the bus, gives me a quick hug, transfers his backpack and jacket to his pack mule, and asks "Can I run?".  I nod, and off he goes, sprinting all the way home, loving this freedom after being cooped up all day.  And this is a school-suited boy who is actually pretty decent at sitting still!  I can only imagine what will happen when our littlest monkey gets off the bus in a couple of years.

We had my neighbor and her two boys over for dinner on Friday night and the boy dynamic was taken to a whole new level.  These four boys, ages 3 to 7, did not.stop.moving.  Literally.  OK, that's a lie - they sat down to devour their dinner (and seconds and thirds) in about three minutes flat and then they were off again.  Upstairs, downstairs, inside, outside...they couldn't even decide where they wanted to play!  Their games involved, not surprisingly, lots of physical contact and many, many choruses of "POOP BUTT!".  There were several times when I started to pull the three bigger boys off of a pile that ended with Adam, only to find him laughing hysterically underneath.

So here's the bright side of boys.  They love to play.  They love to play with whoever will join them.  They don't care if you're three years younger or thirty years older - they'll treat you the same.  There's no odd man out.  There's no cliques or special clubs.  They take turns being the "bad guy" or the rule-maker or the one at the bottom of the pig-pile.  They shake off the small stuff but still need their mamas (or daddys) for the big stuff.  They don't play games (except of the Tag and Candyland variety) and don't care too much about what others think.  When they're grouchy (which they most certainly can be), wrestling them to the ground or chasing them around the room or telling them a really silly joke is all that is needed to bring their smiles back.  They're simple.  Don't get be wrong, some days I feel overwhelmed with the potty humor, the pee on the toilet seat, the laundry challenges, and the nonstop ENERGY.  And I look at those cute little girls in their pink shorts and pigtails, and think "What if?".  And then I get down on the floor and put my two dog/boys in a bodylock, and they squeal with glee, and you know what?  The grass on this field here is pretty darn green.